Math. Just the basics, like fractions & decimals…metric system?
1.
1/2.
1/4.
mmm. we may have gone a bit far for a lot of people…
today we are going to talk about star*ucks & all grocery stores and equivalent venues - you know places that sell shit where people use currency to purchase things. seems to me that any one involving themselves in these venues would want to be educated in: Math. Just the basics, like fractions & decimals - MINIMALLY!
i have had unfortunately way to many experiences - at what seems to be increasingly more & more - where people can’t do the basics in exactly the scenarios they need to.
st*rfucks:
when i go to ANY coffee shop - i look at the menu, i always want a 12 oz. dark roast drip coffee. so irregardless of what they or you call it - i am ordering in the universal known size = 12oz. otherwise i will help them along - especially at *tarfucks. i am so sick of the suburban hooches looking at me:
*”uhmmm? do you mean VINTI???”
me: uh, no hun- 12oz. please.
*”[insert pained look like constipation here]”
me: oh, i’m sorry, that would be a small-eh-um-i mean tall in starbuck’ese.
*”we have a size system here, and i shouldn’t have to know ALL the ways someone might call it- and whatever…”
me: i’m sorry - didn’t realize you don’t get paid to think or care or…hey! i like turtles! anyway, i go to LOTS of coffee shops - and order the same thing- 12oz coffee - that’s all my body can take at once. otherwise i’ll die.
*”ok, thank you sir - here is your TRIPPLE VINTI 1/2 CAF, SOY, 8 pumps hazelnut, LATTE.”
me: [insert pained look like constipation here]…
grocery stores:
OK, this nor any other part of this post is a joke. for real. it’s all real.
i have gone to King Supers, Sunflower Market, Safeway… etc. and experienced the same problem. My girl recently experienced it to the worst degree lately which is why i have to bring up the grocery stores. When frequenting these stores, we choose to buy exactly what we think we will use in the next 3(watch out: odd number) days. the reason for this is because the food from behind the deli doesn’t usually last much longer than this. So i like to order say like - mmm, 2/3rds of a pound of lunch meat. between me and the girl we will probably finish it in 3 days. more often than not - WHOEVER is behind the counter will say:
*”ummm, ok.” and pause for a minute.
me: standing waiting patiently… smiling…
*”hey crystal! (manager i think) how much does 2/3rds equal in dots?”
me: what the fuck? in dots? what kind of weight system is that?
“excuse me !(i interupt 2 managers arguing about how much 2/3rds equals) it equals .666(sign of devil), but on your scale i will take anywhere between .6 and .7. thank you.
*proceeds to take 8 minutes to put the meat in the bag.
now my girls story:
last time she ordered our normal 2/3rds of lunch meat at the local grocery, this land beast pawed up a massive chunk of meat, slapped it on the scale - like 1.2 pounds.
*”is that good?”
my girl: uh,no - 2/3rds, more like .7 - thanks.
*she takes like 3 slices off, weight: .91-”is that good?”
my girl: mmm, no - 2/3rds, more like .7 point 0. thanks.
*she takes like 3 slices off, weight: .62-”is that good?”
my girl: mmm, yes!
authors note:
for real though - shouldn’t you know about how much stuff can go into the container in which you sell hundreds of all day long for 5.3 years? or basic conversion of decimals and fractions back and forth. these same people run the registers - watch out!
Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system. but none of them work at starbucks or the fucking grocery apparently. and i’m spent.
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